well, as "old school" as I can get for being born in 1985. So this is like...I dunno- 90's stuff? Maybe some early 2000's? Not truly old school...but I guess... "back in the day" for me... En Vogue, Amanda Perez, Staind, and old Usher stuff....
I have been having a hell of a time sleeping...normally I would be totally freaked out and worried...but as I was driving to McD's to get a coffee (one good thing about living in Hawaii...they use KONA coffee!!) I realized why...Dude...he should be HOME (in my arms!!!) by this weekend!! No shit I'm not sleeping...I am soooooo looking forward to him coming home!
I am a little worried about when he comes home. I guess we will be going to the gym together. (insert loud blood curdling scream here) My hubby, is well, very fit. He is in the military. In the Army now...but a Marine (once a Marine ALWAYS a Marine), running 1.5 miles to him is like CAKE. He is an amazing 128 pounds. REALLY?! Here I am...not a very good walker... Hell, I last a whopping 17 mins on the elliptical and felt like I was gonna D-I-E! He's all hyped and excited...then he broke the bad news to me...he wants to "pound pavement"...meaning he wants to run/jog...on the ground...outside...not in the safety of a gym...on a treadmil. HELLO! I do NOT run/jog...this man seems to have a belief in me...cuz he says to me: "baby, anyone can run...whether it is lightening fast or a jog...anyone can run...you just need to find your pace." This should be an interesting 2 weeks he is home...BUT...great news!! While he is here, I can FINALLY try this Zumba stuff...all the classes on base are at night...and well, I normally have to worry about Kali, with him home...I can go!
So I am sitting here, sucking down my coffee, reading blogs and dancing in my chair and I get a phone call...from my mother. -sigh-
I dunno man. Stuff happened over Christmas Vacay, and well....I am holding a grudge. I will admit, it has affected my eating. Blah! I haven't lost any weight this week...but I didn't gain overall...had a few up and down during the week...but I evened out.
Yesterday's message a church was on peace, forgiveness, loving eachother, and reconciliation. -ugh, talk about a kick when you're down-
I went up to the altar at invitational time and prayed and asked the Lord to guide me and help me with this whole thing. I actually told my mother that I prayed about it, and that I put her and my sister's name on the salvation prayer list at church.
It totally went better than what I thought. My mother is better about it, than I think my sister is...she went to church with me over Christmas and was all mad and moaning and groaning about the message. (The pastor said that homosexuals and people that do not believe in Jesus and God don't get into heaven...which, well, based on God's Word (AKA bible) is TRUE) Anywho...
I dunno...I guess with all the soul-searching that has been going on lately...I need to work on stuff on my end as well. Back in December I wrote a blog about the blow-out we had...They know its on here...they haven't read it...and personally I don't care if they do or not. There was an all out war on my FaceBook page between everyone and them...so I think they have an idea on how bad it hurts...and how bad it has always hurt.
I have realized that the past is the past...hanging onto it can cause more pain than we realize or think can happen. I know my eating has been my replacement for my other addictions that I have battled and overcame over the years. I need to get right with it all...realizing that food isn't gonna make me better...that the only thing that can heal my heart and my soul is forgiveness...peace...love...and The Lord.
Who knows. We will see where I am led. I am strong...because of Him, lets see what strength I am given in this aspect...
xoxox,
Nikki
All I can say is just keep praying and growing. It will show through. If you ask them to forgive you and you forgive them, then it is in their hands. You have laid it out there, and well That is what we are supposed to do.
ReplyDeleteI hope that things work out with your family.
I hope you have an awesome visit with your hubby.
This is a really tough issue.
ReplyDeleteSometimes I think we hold onto our anger thinking that if we forgive the people it is directed at that it in someway makes what they have done ok.
In reality - if we hold onto our anger we eat ourselves up inside. Forgiveness is about inner peace for you.
Easier said than done I know.
Keep praying about it.
I have a super fit husband too. It can be hard sometimes trying to explain that I really don't think running is "fun".
ReplyDeleteI believe in you too - just like the hubby...and I'm sorry you're hurting and that there is family tension. Bring it here - girl - I owe you a listen that's for sure. We'll help you get through it - one day at a time. And remember what you told me - you don't have to be perfect here - flaws and all - God still loves you.
ReplyDeletedude. i wish our base offered zumba classes. if i want them i gotta go off base and so far i haven't gone yet. i want to though. you really made me think about my relationship with god. not such a close one right now. i need to start going to services again. sigh!
ReplyDelete