Read at your own risk....

I am going to be completely honest...this is going to be a whining, moaning. groaning, and complaining entry. Yep...maybe a *few* hints of positivity and happiness....but mainly fussin' and complainin'.

Pity party for one please! =/

Stress...is....killing...me...

Okay, so not actually killing me, but pretty darn close. Like...stress so much my hair is FALLING OUT.

~Le Sigh~

What could possibly be stressing me out? I know you are pondering this...because we all know that life is perfect and wonderful ALL the time...right?

I feel some bullet points coming on...I may even color code them to show the level of stress! (organizing stress...whoda thunk it?!)

• This whole upcoming change. Hubby was accepted into the Chaplain Candidate Program...which is awesome! He gets to get out of active duty for the duration of seminary. We get to go back home to FL and stuff... It's the financial aspect that is killing me. We have no savings. It has all been spent going back and forth between here and NC for visitation between Kali and her mother. When hubbs gets commissioned into the reserves, we lose active duty pay...which is going to happen while we are still on island. Who knows how long we will have to wait here until we are sent back to FL...mind you...no savings...no pay...in Hawaii...which bread is like 4 bucks and milk is 5 and gas is almost 4.25 a gallon. Which means- no housing, no money for bills, no money for food....did I mentioned we have like...NO savings??
• Eating...I have NO restriction. My appetite is either so severe where I am eating all the time....or I don't want to eat and have to make myself. I am attributing this to the stress as well. What I am about to say may upset some people...but...I got the band to HELP me lose weight, to make it a little easier...a tool to help...but I have not felt it help.Last time I had restriction was after surgery. Am I partly sabotaging myself because of my stress, mood, and stuff...yeah, I will admit that...sometimes I do eat crap, because I know I can, ya know...no restriction and all. I am at the point where I am SO sick of being fat. I am sick of being annoyed and frustrated with this band. I cry because of it... :)
• Sleep...what is that? I am even on medication to supposedly help. It isn't...I am up all the time. The baby sleeps through the night...I do not. I am either freezing, sweating, thinking, or just laying there...I am starting to go insane because of it all...
• Possible job- Yup...me, possibly having a job...in Tampa...on the other side of the state from where I have family. Which is fine...its a JOB. =) But remember a few bullets up...no savings...where am I going to live until we get a paycheck or two? UGH.
• Friends- that situation is still there. I put on a front that it doesn't bother me...but you know it hurts me. I am a sensitive person. I am sick and tired of two-faced people. It just annoys the crap out of me...if you do not like me, just say so...don't smile in my face and then talk about me behind my back. 

Can I please just crawl in a hole? Please? I mean...atleast in the hole no one will care that I am fat, bald, crying, and freaking out. 

I am going to call the counselor that my doctor recommended when I was diagnosed with postpartum...maybe crying it out to a complete stranger will help? 

Tomorrow morning I am chopping my hair off...coloring it...I will post pix!! :)

xoxox,

Nik