I look up to the sky....

I look up to the sky
And now the World is mine
I've known it all my life
I made it, I made it!
I used to dream about, the life I'm living now
I know that there's no doubt.
I made it, I made it!

Those lyrics are from a Kevin Rudolf song called "I made it!"


I have been home in FL for awhile now...I am almost done here...I fly out in 13 days to go back to my life in Hawaii. Back to my routine. Back to my house, my bed, my schedule, my free gym, my beautiful weather, my loving daughter, my amazing church family, my food control, and most importantly my amazing, kind, sexy, and wonderful husband. (or maybe he will be coming home to me...we haven't quite figured that out yet...thanks Army! =/)




I have been spending a lot of time with one of my best friends that I have had for about the past 11 and 1/2 years. We met in 9th grade...in the lovely Mr. Bowden's math class. Oh how we hated math...but became besties...fast. She had just moved to FL from NY...and frankly...I loved the way she talked...I wanted to sound like her...and honestly, I still do. lol.




We have been reminiscing about all the stuff we used to do when we were younger. Mainly...all the stupid stuff. Smoking ciggies on our way to school. Skipping school to get high or to drink. Driving around at all hours of the night...knowing damn well we had cerfews on our licenses because of our age. Driving while not in conditions to be driving...because we were afraid if we called our parents to get us...we would never be able to be out of their sight again. (which we both now realize they would have never done...not totally parent of the year material on either end) Hanging out at her work and getting some extra cash for me using my beat up old car as a delivery car for the chinese food place she worked at every once in a while.


Tonight we were talking about where some of the people we used to hang out with are...and what is going on in their lives. Some are dead. Others are in prison, in abusive relationships, still on drugs/alcohol, have a million kids, or are still living the lives we used to live...never really wanting to grow up and take responsibility...or hell, maybe they just dont know how to.


It has made me realize that I am so incredibly lucky to be living the life that I am. I have been sober for almost 5 years. I was pretty bad into the drinking for awhile...me and the bottle were buddies...


Then I met the great man that I am so blessed to call my husband. He listened to me. Talked to me. Helped me...even before we were dating...we were friends first. Staying on the phone until 3 AM when we both had to be at work in the morning. Hanging out talking on the swings or a picnic bench at the park until the cops made us leave. Staring up at the stars talking about our hopes and dreams for the future...before we knew our futures would be together...


I have found my other half. My heart. My love. The one that I want to grow so incredibly old with that we are in the nursing home together yelling at our CNA's because we are so whacked out on our meds...


I remember for our 6th month anniversary (you know when you're dating every month seems to count) he got me a star. Found one of those online registries and picked out a star and named it for me: "Juliet's shining star". He is my Romeo...except we get to live together. I get flowers on random days just because. He even creates a holiday called "Nikki Day"...where I get flowers...and a really romantic home cooked meal...just because he feels like doing something special for me. After I had a bad day at work when I was a CNA...came home at 1130 at night to a bathroom with my jammies already in it and a hot shower running...only to go into the room that was covered in rose petals, candles lit, and music playing to get a to-die-for massage. He takes me to the movies or out for ice cream if I had a bad day so we could talk about it after I relax. I get random poems and e-mails just telling me how amazing, beautiful, and special I am to him.


I cry all the time because of him...and not sad tears....I cry those happy, lucky, and totally in love tears. 


I live an amazing life. Now with the military, I just live a crazy amazing life. I get the added stress of moving, deployments, work training, living where ever the Army sees fit and for how ever long they want us to. Military life hasn't changed us for the worse, as so many other couples have to deal with, it has made us stronger...more appreciative, understanding and loving of one another. This deployment has brought us to a place where we are closer to each other...even when I didn't think we could get any closer...closer together...even with being a half a world away.


I wonder how I ended up here. I am by no means saying we are perfect...we aren't...we don't always see eye-to-eye...but we don't fight about it...we talk like two adults and try to understand what the other one means. We both have no problem admitting when we are wrong (although, sadly, I have to admit I am wrong most of the time...and that is because I over-react to EVERYTHING)...we have found what works for us...but still, I have to wonder...with all the stupid stuff that I did when I was younger...


How did I get everything I have wanted so far in life?


As those lyrics in the beginning of my post say...I used to dream about the life I am living now...I wanted the fairy tale. I wanted the happy home. I wanted the best friend for a husband. I wanted it all...and I got it...and then some.


Those days that I just wanna yell, scream, kick and throw a fit because stuff isn't perfect, I think I need a good big helping of humble pie...I got it good...I do. We all have our stresses...everyone does...some may be bigger than others...but there are always situations that could be so much worse than they are.


Am I a little disappointed in myself that I haven't really lost anything on my vacation? Of course I am. But I am fitting into different clothing. I am on a workout schedule. I am doing activity DAILY. Best of all...I haven't gained.


My husband loved me when I was 280-something...he is still loving me when I am at 230-something...and I know his love for me isn't gonna change when I do reach that goal of 180-something...


I will get there...one day...


But today...I am loved for who I am...I love myself, which is more than I could say a year ago (I was okay with myself...I wouldn't define it as love though)...


**I hope this all made sense...I just felt like writing tonight...with all the dates being changed and stuff not going my way...it got me thinking**


xoxox,
Nikki