Can and Can't...or...Easy and...well, not so much...

I am 7 months pregnant. I have 10 weeks and 4 days remaining until I get to meet the lil man who is using my insides as a jungle gym and soccer balls. These past 29+ weeks have flown by...which, I really didn't think they would...as everyone said...but low and behold...they have.

Everyone has been posting amazing stories on how they have lost so many pounds in so much time...and things of that nature. Call it the hormones, but dang it...it makes me a lil bummed that I wasn't a superstar like the rest of em...

I mean...check this crap out:

Amy- who is like...oh I dunno...Lap-band guru...she has managed to show that even if you aren't 100% perfect all the time with what would should do (Sunkist and her latest ice cream escapade)...you can manage to lose 150+ pounds in a year and some change!

Lap Band Gal- and her newest size 6 dress. Losing 111 pounds in like 14 months. AMAZING. Really...a size 6? The only way I was even close to a size 6...is when Lane Bryant came out with their color coded jeans...and I was a 4. So =P

Stephanie- Who just had her 1 year Bandiversary and is down 105-ish pounds. Who I wanna stalk every time I am in FL and flatten her tires so she can't make it to the gym so I can catch up! (LOL...I am totally kidding...I promise I am not a psycho. =) )

Last but NOT least- DRAZ- I know I know...she doesn't have a lapband. I know this! But she works her butt off to maintain what she has...she deals with stress, worry, anxiety, cravings, and all the like that we do...but manages to some how pull it off without a band...Is she 100% all the time? Nope. But are any of us? I am sorry...but frankly...anything over 75 mins on a dangum treadmill- banded or not- deserves an AMAZING amount of respect...and props...and like...maybe even boarderline idolization. ;)

I could really go on and on with all the blogs I follow...but then y'all may take this as a pity party. It did start out that way...I will admit...I get a lil sad, jealous, and well...upset seeing how great y'all are doing...and how crappy I have done. But I then realize that I am the only one that is 150% accountable for what I did or did not do, I was the one who chose the fast food or high calorie crap instead of the healthier options.

Do I occasionally kick myself in the butt for sucking and not having the motivation and just...well...losing focus so many times. But then I look in the mirror...and I see where I am right now.

I am pregnant. Something I was told by many doctors that I would never be. No one knew why...things just...well...didn't work. I am 7 months along with a child, who is healthy and on target...growing inside of me. (He never lets me forget...he kicks and moves and all that jazzy stuff...a lot).

I just had my one year bandiversary on the 12th of February. The 20 pounds that I lost after my surgery (which is a BAD LOW number...do not, I repeat, DO NOT think that the band just allows you to magically melt fat away...cuz IT DOESN'T) is back on my body. Yep. I gained it back...in fact...I think I may have gained a few more back than that...but who is counting? Not me. It's all hanging out somewhere on my 5'6" frame- belly, boobies, and yep...in the baby.

These past few days have been uber emotional...with hubby having to go to some other stupid dumb training that he isn't going to need...I have had some (okay ALOT) of time to self-reflect n put things into perspective.

I did the lapband to lose weight. I wanted to be sexy. I wanted to feel like I deserved to be with my husband. He has never had weight issues, and is a solid 128-130 depending on the day...and a whopping 5'2". He is a small guy...here I was at 5'6" and 284 when he left for Iraq in September of 2009. I had no other lingering health issues, other than being FAT. My family history sucked enough and I was so high above my target weight range that the Army and Tricare said- YES...we will give you weight loss surgery! So I took it. I did it to look good...yep...I did it for vanity reasons...and frankly, this society molds us ladies to care about that stuff.

Here I am, a year and 12 days out. I may not have lost 100+ pounds. I may not fit into a size 5, 8, or a 12. But ya know what...I have something that I wanted to much more than any of that...and I realize this now. I am going to be a mother. I am going to experience the joys, pain, and sleepless nights that having a child can bring. I am happy. Blessed. Still in shock...that well...stuff DOES work. =)


I have managed to think of things that I can and cannot do...or things that are easy and not so easy...just for a chuckle...cuz, well, I need it...and maybe some of you do too!

CAN/EASY

• I can still fit into "regular" clothes. They may be maternity- but I have NOT had to go into the plus size section- I am sittin pretty at an XL in bottoms n tops...and I think I can manage to stay here for the duration of the pregnancy.
• I can still shave my legs. =) This was discovered this morning in the shower...very very happy moment for me, as I will no longer feel like Chewbacca.
• I can feel my son kick the crap outta me, hiccup, and roll around. Amazing. -sigh-
• I can manage to fund Charmin's employees retirement plans single handedly...I pee more than I ever thought humanly possible.
• I can waddle like a penguin. Yeppers. I was a chaperone on kiddo's field trip and a lil girl ask Kali why her mommy waddles like a penguin...they enjoyed that.
• I can cry at the drop of a hat. Commercials, thoughts, TV shows, songs, kind acts...yeah man...water works over here.
• I can sleep...somewhat...at different times of the day...depends on when he wants to be still enough for me to get rest.
• I can shop for baby stuff...and I have...and it's starting to invade the little space I still haaaavvveeee. LOL
• I can park in expectant mother parking. I love military bases for this reason...the commissary and PX all have expectant mother parking. Less distance I have to waddle. =)
• I can blame my forgetfulness on the baby now. Pregnancy brain is NO JOKE. It does exist...I promise. 

CANNOT/NOT EASY

• It's hard as heck to climb stairs and/or inclines...I don't have much room for lung expansion anymore...Heck, when I was 284 I didn't get this winded!
• Not easy to tie my own shoes. I can manage to do it if I spread my legs wide enough, and I am low enough to the ground already that I don't have far to go...but I am thankful that kiddo is an expert at tying shoes. I am also very very glad that I taught her earlier on in life...she's my new best friend. 
• I cannot see my girlie parts. I was excited as all get out when I finally could when I lost a total of 50 pounds (pre and post op)...and I am back to not seeing it...can't even move the belly outta the way...
• Cannot sit for too long...nor can I stand for too long. If I stand- I swell...if I sit get sleepy. UGH.
• Cannot buckle an airplane seat belt. This I discovered on the way home in January...I need an extender. Back to those days again.
• Cannot be to far from a bathroom...even though I feel like I may flood the floor...sometimes it is only a dribble...which is very annoying...especially for like the 5th time at 3 AM.
• Cannot bend over. Obvious reasons.
• Squatting SUCKS. My balance is horrid...I can get down...but up...LMBO. I almost always manage to fall onto my butt...and then cry until someone can help me up. If not one is home...I crawl to a chair or something to be able to get up with. 

That's all I can think of right now. I am sure I will come up with more at some other time. 

I am going to eat an ice cream cone now...that is what I want...or is it the baby? Who knows...but Ima have one. =)

xoxox,

Nikki